Unmatched Idealism

"And yet the party goes on."

Jacob hissed out in his usual long airy sentences. Alcohol was on his breath, and it made Richard sick. It mixed terribly with the smells of cigarettes and weed that filled the rest of the dorms, and his default soft breathy tone felt oddly grating against the hum and murmur of the party behind him. Richard rolled his head against the wall to turn and face Jacob.

"And yet I would find it helpful if it had an off button."

"You won't even have a drink?"

"I'd rather stay conscious."

"You don't have to black out, it feels good to get buzzed."

"I would rather be back in my room, in my house."

And yet Richard didn't move. Richard sat in a chair as Jacob leered over him, and breathed his drunken air down Richard's throat. Jacob's green eyes squinted at him and slowly leaned the other way.

"I'll be back for you. I'll bring booze and girls and they'll like you and you'll have to like it."

"Try it."

Jacob bounced out of the room and paused at the door frame, turning to frown at Richard. But he did leave out into the hallway and went out to the party's center. Richard sat and clammed his mouth, half agape and drying. He could go for a drink, but the mini fridge was across the room. Every time someone passed the doorway, they glanced at him. He would have closed it, but it was also across the room. Richard sat next to nothing else, nothing within arm reach, just him and his chair and the warm comforting air of the heat vent next to him. He felt like he was in the middle of a spotlight, which made him increasingly uncomfortable. He wished he had chosen a better place to sit, but anywhere else was across the room. He must have looked like he was high. Maybe he'd ask Jacob to get him a drink when he came back.

He hoped Jacob didn't hang around him all night. He hoped that he went and joined the party and had fun like he was supposed to be having. Richard wished Jacob didn't drag him out to parties. He wondered why Jacob did that. Jacob couldn't have a better time with him around. Richard wondered why he came himself. What did he expect to get out of it? As it is he just sat, and sat, and sat, and sat, and sat. Eventually, Jacob came back alone.

"I couldn't procure anyone."


"But hey, I got you a soda."

"Dude, thank you. I needed that."

Richard lazily brought the cup to his lips and gulped down… is it Fanta, or is it Sunkist? Some brand of orange soda. It felt good going down his throat, but it felt bad sitting on his tongue. Richard managed to smile at Jacob. Jacob smirked back, and knelt down.

"Well I couldn't procure anyone, but there's a reason for that."


"What if I told you people are fucking in the other room?"

Richard's eyebrows raised and his eyes widened just a bit. Jacob got hopeful, and smiled widely back at him.


"I wouldn't tell you otherwise."

But it didn't last more than a fleeting few seconds.


Jacob's left cheek twitched once with disappointment, and he half glared while holding the gaze of Richard. He wasn't lying - Richard heard the commotion from the other rooms. He couldn't tell if that was a soft moaning amidst it, because of how loud the rest of the party talk was, but he thought he caught the words "fuckin'", "hot", and "whoo". A particularly large proportion of "whoo", really. Nearly drowned out any other words. The corners of Richard's lips curled up without smiling. Jacob promptly turned to see what he was looking at, and found a couple making out in the hallway. He got up to shut the door, locked it, and came back to Richard.

"Alright, I'll play your game. What do you want?"

"I don't know."

"But you know better than I do."

Richard rolled his head over to the other side, not feeling like looking at Jacob anymore.

"You're not having fun."

"What gave it away?"

"Don't be an asshole, Richie. You must not like parties."

"It's not that I don't like parties, it's that I don't like these ones."

"You say that every time."

"Maybe 'cause it's true."

"I have half a mind to ditch you and get high off my ass, maybe drunk off my ass, maybe both, and go fuck some girls I don't know while ignoring my relationship."

Richard just stared at him. He was getting up.

"I'm gonna do it!"

And walking to the door.

"Here I go!"

At a snail pace, of course.

"About to make terrible decisions."

Damn it, he couldn't help but smile a bit.

"Okay, okay, no, come back."

"Oh but Richie, think of all the hot girls out there who aren't my girlfriend! After I get drunk and high, I'm thinking of driving myself home!"

"No, come back, don't ruin your relationship."

"I dunno Richiiiee."

"Come sit down with me, I'll have a beer."

"But Rich - you will?"

"Yeah yeah yeah, I will."

"Hot dog!" He came running back and practically sat in Richard's lap. "What're we gonna do today, Rich?"

Richard had a half wince half smile on his face, but was still averse to speaking.

"Eh? Eh?"

Richard sighed.

"The same thing we try to do every night, Jacob. Take over the world."

"That's the spirit! And speaking of spirits," Jacob careened over to the mini fridge, pulled out a beer, and poured it into a wineglass, and talked in a horrible posh British accent. "Your cocktail, sir."

"Thank you."

"So what do you want to do?"

Richard was actually sitting up, how rare.

"I don't know."

"Yes you do, ya chump. What do you want to do?"

"Do we have a deck of cards?"

"I could ask around."

A loud, loud moan followed by many "whoo"s came from just outside the door.

"On second thought, I think I'm just gonna say no. No we do not have a deck of cards."

"Then I don't know."

Some knocks, and then a low, sensual voice:

"Having fun in there?"

Jacob turned to Richard and just smiled, and Richard could tell what was about to happen. He frowned and shook his head. Jacob turned his head to speak, but kept eye contact with Richard.

"You know it!"

Laughs, Richard buried his face in his hands.

"Mind if we join you?"

"Honestly I'd let you in if I wasn't so far up Richie's ass right now."


"Yes, say my name."

Many, many laughs. It wracked the room, and Jacob couldn't keep his lips from creeping farther and farther up his face. Richard just stared in disbelief, half wishing he had never come here. Maybe he really did dislike parties.

"Richard? Jacob?"

Many "Ooo"s came from the other side of the door.

"Jake, you're fucking shameless."

"You know it, babe. Our secret's out. I'll have to tell my girlfriend and she'll scream and scream at me, but you're just so illustrious and beautiful babe. How could I ever resist you?"

"Fledgling love!"

"Ah god, Richard, your eyes are so beautiful tonight."

"You're all disgusting."

"No need to pretend any longer, b-babe, I'm gonna -"

"Oh no no no no no no, no you are not. That's not the direction this is going."

"Do, do you want it on your back?"

Uproarious laughter erupted from the walls and ceiling and floor. The stench of alcohol was stronger than ever before, and it made Richard sick, but…

"Woah, Richie!"


"You're laughing!"

And he was. It startled even him, making him chuckle more nervously and incorporate it into his low, goofy laugh. Jacob was laughing too, and everybody outside must have been having a good time. The noise was overwhelming, and even though they could hear everybody listening to them, it felt precious. Just the two of them, locked in someone else's dorm.

"Oh… oh god, Jake baby, give me all you have!"

"Here I come, babe!"

Jacob reeled over, and groaned an "ooooh" that made Richard fall out of his chair, laughing so hard he wasn't making noise anymore. Tears streamed down both of their cheeks, and they just caught each other's eyes a couple times between clenching them closed in giggling spasms. A couple times, Jacob tried to get out the next line, but the thought of it made him lose his grip on the counter and fall to the floor.

"Oh god, babe! We can't go out and face the world like this, we've commit, uh, so scandalous tonight! Quick, out the window!"

He threw Richard blankets and laundry found strewn about the room that they could make into a rope to hang out the window.

"Jake, you're -" but Richard couldn't help but continue laughing as Jacob piled more laundry on top of him, repeating variations of "we gotta get outta here!" or "we're on the run!" Richard hadn't even taken sips from his beer. "Jake, you're serious?"

Jacob started tying blankets and clothes together as best he could with shaky hands.

"Why wouldn't I be? Help me with this! Get your sweet little butt over here!"

"I'm -" more spasms - "I'm coming babe!"

Soon they had a rope, and they hung it out the window. They were only two stories up, they could have made the jump if they so wished. Gotten off with scrapes and bruises. But what fun would that be? Already, there were people gathered below, capturing pictures of their descent.

"Oh no, Richie! We've already been caught! Our social status is in shamb - oop!"

Jacob lost his grip as the rope unraveled, and fell on his back into a large bush.

"Jacob! Jake, no no! Are you okay?"

"Fuck! Fuck man! My heart! Holy Jesus! But yeah! I'm good!"

The crowd began to close and gather around Jacob.

"Get away from him, heathens! You don't understand our love!"

Richard jumped down, landed next to Jacob, and definitely broke an ankle.


"Yes, babe? What's wrong?"


Jacob perked up, looking genuinely concerned, still not able to fully rid himself of the giggles.

"H-ho - you did what?"

"I, fuck man! Fuck! Fuck! I broke my right ankle!"

"Shit, dude!" Jacob got up and yelled at the drunken, high crowd. "EVERYBODY OUT, I'M GETTING THIS MAN INTO MY CAR."

Jacob leaned down and scooped Richard up, Scooby Doo style, and carried him to his car.

"Jake! Jake, you can't drive, you're drunk!"


"Jake, you're - aaaahh - you're stumbling just carrying me to your car!"

"You're delusional, I'm sober as a… as a… as my dad. Somebody get the door open for me!"

A group of party goers clambered to get the door open, and one girl finally opened the door and got people out of the way long enough for Jacob to haul Richard into the back seat. That same girl turned to Jake.

"Richie's right, Jake. You're drunk, I haven't touched anything this whole time, I can drive you two."


"I'm not letting you pull out of the parking lot if you don't let me or some other sober person drive."

Jacob glanced around the crowd, tried to talk, and then stumbled and had to catch himself on the car door.

"You may have a point. Let me give you my keys."

"Thank you."

"This way, I can sit in the back of the car with my dearest Richie."

Richard took time out of his tight schedule of worrying over his ankle to deliver one simple message:

"Oh fuck off, you! There's nothing between us! It was a one night stand!"

"Keep telling yourself that, Richie, but your heart is mine, or else soon will be!"

Jacob ended up in the back seat, with Richard's head in his lap. The girl was driving, and the way to the hospital would be at least thirty minutes. They had time between them. Richard started to feel less pain, only shot through him if his ankle banged on anything, which Jacob made sure it didn't by holding his legs.

"My sweet Richie, you didn't need to save me from that crowd."

"That was a stupid decision, in retrospect. You bring out the worst in me."

"You bring out the best in me."

"Are you joking?"

"Why would I ever joke with you?"

They both shared a hearty laugh. When they couldn't laugh anymore, the only thing left to do was enjoy the ride. It got suddenly quiet, Jacob caught the girls' eyes in the rear view mirror and winked at her. She smirked, and kept driving silently, letting the faux couple enjoy each other's presence. Richard glanced up at Jacob, half frowning now, and told it like it was.

"I'm never going to a party with you again."

"You say that every time."